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Jester Star
BEGIN PROFILE: G.U.F.F. PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT REGARDING SAFETY DURING “JESTER STAR” MANIFESTATIONS The “Jester Star” is an anomalous celestial body, appearing in the sky after full sunset. Its appearance upon observation appears to be close to earth, approximately a quarter of the size of the moon. The “Jester Star” is un-detectable outside of these manifestations, and will not appear to any astronomical or physical observation outside of affected area despite clear indicators of physical prescence. '' ''Non-anomalous gravitational and thermal effects are nonexistent. Data from mechanical probes sent to observe is not cleared for public release due to potential neurological and physiological effects. HOW TO PREDICT THE JESTER STAR: Appearances of monochromatic flyers in bright green ink on black paper in unknown characters. These are accompanied by images of what appears to be a “circus,” but this is inconsistent. Most images appear to feature “The Harlequin” A sharp increase in phantom clown sightings. Clearer indicators of relation to “Jester Star” is lack of aggressiveness in sighted clowns, unlike “common” phantom clowns. Anomalous animal appearances for the environment. Examples vary, but past appearances have included polar bears in the Sonoran Desert, moose in Florida, Snallygaster in Alaska, and California Condor in Detroit. Appearances of the “street performer” known as “The Harlequin.” If you are spoken to by “The Harlequin”, do not leave until he has finished his act. If you are offered an item, leave a twenty dollar bill in his hat. If you are unable to pay, politely decline. If he asks you to aid him in his performance, DO NOT REFUSE. IF YOU SEE THE JESTER STAR: Do not panic. Everyone else can see it too. It is not malevolent, and will disappear when the Star leaves. DO NOT attempt to contact external; non G.U.F.F. officials about anomalous activity. Doing so will cause active pursuit by Star Entities. The environment will remain nocturnal as long as the Star is in effect, ranging from three days to a week. Circadian rhythms appear to function normally over twenty-four hour cycles. Do not attempt to block out the continuous speech through electronic devices by “The Harlequin”. This is proven inaccurate, and will draw his attention towards you. There will be a large tent; referred to by Star Entities as “The Big Top” with anomalous spacial internal properties manifesting inside the town, with prices charged for admission. Do not panic if you can see it over the horizon no matter where you go, this is normal. If you are to enter, DO NOT heckle the performers, and always pay for your ticket. If red curtains are blocking an area, DO NOT ENTER until they are opened by a Star Entity or opened independently. '' ''Aside from those mentioned in this document, any architectural alterations by the Star are benign and to be treated normally, even if they appear to exhibit unsafe properties in their appearance. These properties are almost always mitigated by anomalous features seemingly designed to allow safety. All business entities cohabited by business operations of Star Entities MUST WORK TO ACCOMIDATE THEM, NO MATTER THEIR DEMANDS. Any anomalous items given for “being good hosts” must be inspected by G.U.F.F. personnel before use. G.U.F.F. will not pay for any physical, psychological or property damages incurred by those being “very rude” to the Star Entities. The rules for “The Harlequin“ pre-manifestation still apply. If he offers to take you to the Big Top, always accept. Any resultant physical alterations will be dealt with free of charge by the G.U.F.F. if undesired. No individuals have contacted the G.U.F.F. about this offer so far. Anomalous street performers/street vendors are mostly safe to engage with, aside from these recorded examples: Mr. Red/Mx. White/Ms. Blue, Doctor W.D. Quackenheimer, Volto The Poison Wizard, Champion Heavyweight Mad Man Marbles, Hopper’s Choppers, Hank Bartells Jr. and The Tattooed Taboo. DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THESE INDIVIDUALS IN ANY WAY. If you have dealt with any unsafe performers in the past, write the name “Madame Lao Jr.” on any stable/writeable surface while the star is manifesting. She will know what to do. 'DO NOT harm marginalized groups, animals, or individuals below the poverty line during the event. Doing so will attract negative attention from “The Harlequin,” despite any escape from legal infractions accessible before the star. This attention will continue even after the Star’s appearance has ended. ''If you are given an application to “join” the Star Entities, be sure you are willing to give up the entirety of your communal, financial, and personal attachments before you sign. '' ''If you are lost in the altered surroundings, ask one of the Star Entities to take you to Babs. However, never ask the Harlequin to take you to Babs.'HAVE FUN, BUT BE SAFE, BE SMART, REMEMBER THESE RULES!'' Author Commentary The idea for this came when I altered an image of a Star, and IDK why but I felt it was particularly circus-y. Hence the concept. It was fun, albeit a bit laborious, to write this goofy Bradbury-esque star-circus PSA, tho IDK if I did it particularly well. As per usual with G.U.F.F. stuff, this is free to use as you see fit under a CC-BY 4.0 license so long as I; Thomas F. Johnson, am credited as their creator! And, if you wanna support me, maybe check out my Patreon, which I previewed this design on ages ago, or even just send a Ko-Fi my way! Every penny is appreciated, and I am eternally grateful for those who donate! Category:G.U.F.F. Entries